“Your Choices, Your Consequences”: When Saying ‘No’ is Not Being Selfish
In the age of social media, stories about family money matters often go viral because they hit close to home. Recently, a post on the r/Philippines subreddit caught people’s attention. In it, a user shared how a distant aunt asked for ₱20,000 to help cover the childbirth expenses of her son’s girlfriend.
According to the post, the request came just before the baby was born, accompanied by a suggestion to take out a credit card cash advance. The user declined, explaining that pregnancy is something couples can plan, budget, and prepare for — and therefore, they should not expect others to shoulder the costs. In the poster’s own words:
“Your choices, your consequences. Not my responsibility.”
While this is just one anecdote shared online and not independently verified, the reactions it sparked are telling. Many Filipinos admitted they’ve been in similar situations — where relatives or friends assume that just because you’re earning a bit more, you’re automatically responsible for bailing them out.
Why This Keeps Happening
This cultural pattern isn’t new. In Filipino families, the concept of utang na loob (debt of gratitude) and pakikisama (maintaining harmony) often blurs the lines between generosity and obligation. Add to that our deep sense of family solidarity, and it becomes difficult to say no — even when saying yes puts us in financial strain.
However, the problem begins when help becomes an expectation rather than a choice. Over time, this mindset can discourage financial responsibility and planning, leading to a cycle where people rely on others instead of preparing for life’s foreseeable expenses.
What We Can Learn
1. Boundaries Are Healthy, Not Heartless
Saying no does not mean you’re selfish. It means you respect your own financial limits. Boundaries protect both your wallet and your relationships.
2. Planning Is a Sign of Love and Responsibility
Big life events — weddings, pregnancies, schooling — should be budgeted for. Planning ahead isn’t just financial sense; it’s a way of ensuring that your loved ones are provided for without causing undue stress to others.
3. Help Without Enabling
If you truly want to assist, consider offering non-cash help like sharing resources, offering guidance on budgeting, or connecting them to financial assistance programs.
4. Normalize Financial Literacy
The more we talk openly about money, savings, and realistic expectations, the less we’ll fall into the trap of last-minute financial emergencies. A great resource for this is the book The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey — a straightforward guide to taking control of your finances and building a secure future.
A Bigger Picture for the Nation
When individuals take full responsibility for their choices, the ripple effect is powerful. Fewer people fall into debt, more families become self-sufficient, and the national culture shifts from dependency to accountability. This is not about abandoning generosity — it’s about redefining it so that our help empowers rather than enables.
As the Reddit poster reminded us, “Your choices, your consequences” is not an insult. It’s a mindset shift we all need if we want a more financially responsible Philippines.
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