🤲 A Note Before Anything Else
This post is not about blame—it’s about awareness and healing.
Most Filipino parents love their children deeply.
But love passed through the lens of trauma, poverty, or control can become painful—even if the intent was care.
Here’s what we need to start talking about:
Some Filipino children distance themselves from their parents—not out of disrespect, but out of self-preservation.
Let’s unpack why.
🚫 1. Love That Feels Conditional
“Mag-aral kang mabuti, utang na loob mo ’yan sa amin.”
“Gawin mo ’to para sa pamilya.”
These sound familiar, right?
When love is tied to achievement, obedience, or sacrifice, it stops feeling like love—and starts feeling like emotional currency.
📘 A helpful read: Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab. It’s a game-changer for both parents and children.
💢 2. “Anak Ka Lang” Mentality
Filipino hierarchy often silences young voices.
But respect shouldn’t mean losing your right to speak, feel, or choose.
Over time, this power imbalance can damage self-esteem and communication.
💡 Try this: Parent-Child Journal. It’s a healing tool for rebuilding bridges without needing a therapist.
🧨 3. Anger = Discipline
Spanking, yelling, or public shaming are still normalized in many households.
But neuroscience is clear: fear is not the same as respect.
Long-term, it creates emotional distance, anxiety, and shame.
📘 Reparenting resource: The Body Keeps the Score. This book helps you understand trauma—even if you don’t think you have it.
🪤 4. Manipulation Disguised as Sacrifice
Many parents remind children how much they gave up—often as leverage.
“I gave up my dreams for you.”
“I work so hard and this is how you repay me?”
Guilt is not love. It’s control dressed in martyrdom.
📘 Try journaling through this with a Guided Healing Journal. Writing helps separate your truth from inherited guilt.
🤐 5. Avoiding Apologies Like the Plague
Parents are human too—but some see apologies as weakness.
So even when they’re wrong, they double down instead of saying “I’m sorry.”
Children grow up believing they’re always at fault, even when they’re not.
💬 Solution? Model self-reflection. Family Conversation Cards can open up gentle, healing dialogue.
🧓 6. The “We Were Raised This Way” Defense
Just because something is traditional doesn’t mean it’s healthy.
And “lumaki kami sa palo” isn’t a badge of honor.
Children today are emotionally literate—and many are choosing boundaries over burnout.
🌱 Final Thought
If this feels uncomfortable to read, that’s okay. Growth is uncomfortable.
But silence and guilt are not love languages.
💡 Filipino families are worth saving, but only if we’re willing to evolve.
If you’re a parent, know this:
You are allowed to change.
Your love is enough—but your humility, self-awareness, and willingness to unlearn can make it even stronger.
If you’re a child reading this:
You are not ungrateful for choosing peace.
Healing is not rebellion. It’s survival—and someday, it can be reconciliation.